Feb 19, 2011

long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park

Hello dear ones. I hope everyone is surviving this less-than-friendly weather. Over the recent weeks there have been multiple occasions where the mere thought of having to get up and go outside to walk to another building for class has nearly brought me to tears. I wasn't made for Kansas weather. I was made for sunny days.

Although this weekend has been just gorgeous and coat-free, I've found myself more annoyed than ever because a) I can't even enjoy it. I've been loading up on work hours. 25 hours in two days. Yikes. b) The forecast for next week is freezing freezing freezing again. Mother Nature is one big tease and I don't like her.

It's probably a good thing I don't have nice weather to distract me. School is innnntense this semester. When I met with my advisor last fall to enroll for the spring, she looked at me like I was a nut job for pairing these classes together. I feel like every day, from the moment I wake up, until the moment I go to bed at night, I spend every second of every minute of every hour busy with something...and it's mostly school.  It's not that the material is hard to comprehend, it's just extremely in-depth. Very time-consuming. I feel like if I take a half hour break to call a friend or mindlessly wander around on Facebook, then I'm wasting precious precious time and think about all the homework I should be doing and chapters I should be reading and tests I should be studying for and that I'm going to pay severely for it. And if by some miracle I'm completely caught up in all my classes and have nothing school related to do, I have a mountain of other responsibilities and tasks I get to choose from.  I know I sound really whiney. I have no. idea. how working mothers can put themselves through school. No clue. I feel like it's impossibly hard to take care of myself and keep track of my shenanigans day in and day out...I can't fathom having a bunch of little people to worry about. Yikes.

Don't get me wrong. I like being busy. I do! I didn't know what to do with myself on those snow days where we literally couldn't do anything. My co-workers listen to me vent and panic about my schedule on a daily basis and they've finally just started throwing coasters at me to get me to shut up.

So in the midst of my crazy hectic life, some really great things have happened. I was reminded this week of how thoughtful people in the community are. I'm sure a lot of people feel sorry for me that I have to live in my hometown of Newton until I'm finished with school, but I love this place with all my heart. The people here are kind and generous and it never ceases to amaze me.

I also received a church calling that I'm really excited about....are you ready?....First counselor in the Wichita 7th Ward Relief Society! Most of you probably have no clue what that is and what it entails. It's an awesome opportunity to serve the Lord and the women of our church, to help uplift and inspire them, encourage their spiritual growth, and provide help where it's most needed. I'm serving with three wonderful women and I know we're going to learn so much from each other. I've literally been skipping around ever since I received the calling. It's going to be one heck of  a year, that's for sure.

Happy to report that Elder Klein is doing well. I'll try to post his next email because they're always goofy and make me laugh. He's still in the Elk Grove area and just adores the people there. It's weird to look at the pictures he sends and realize that he's really grown into a...man. I'm so used to him being my silly baby brother. He turns 21 this week and that freaks me out beyond all measure. I told him to take 21 shots of Red Bull and go cra-zay, I'm sure I'll get a stern email back about mission rules.

Valentine's Day was the year anniversary of Seth's death. I wore his flannel pajama pants, moccasin slippers, his favorite wrestling t-shirt (even though it says MANHATTAN on it. ugh!) and his wrestling hoodie. I was in a strange funk all day and  noticed that when I talked I kind of sounded like him. I know it's a weird way to remember somebody, but it was comforting to wear his clothes and think about him all day long. I listened to his music, read his journals, wondered what he and mom might be up to. I had planned on doing a blog post about his story--what really was going on with him, and what happened the day he died. I just couldn't find the energy or strength to do it. I know I will, and hopefully sometime soon. Just not yet. I want his friends who are still confused to have closure, and those who didn't know him well (or even at all) to realize what his situation was because it's so incredibly misunderstood.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Just a hello to all of my friends and fam. I'll post an Eli email this week, along with some of his pictures. I found my camera last week (it's been lost forever!) and have been trying to document my daily life so I can mail him a bunch of photos (his only birthday request), and so far the most exciting thing I've captured has been going through the carwash. ha!


  1. I am so happy for you and so proud of you on the calling your received. You will be a positive impact on others and in turn, they will enrich you as well.

    Love, Love, Love you!!! AND Love the soon-to-be 21 year old too!


  2. Thanks for sharing Dani....we are glad here in California that you got a break in the weather..I want to picture you with your face turned towards the warm sun, with a smile of hope on your face! That makes me happy! I am glad you felt close to Seth on Feb 14th. Our thoughts were of him on that day also. The pics you showed me of Eli the first thought I also had was....He is a MAN!!! This also made me happy! Cannot wait to spend time with you in the California sun....:) Aunt Mary